Yet Another New Start

As I get older, and more tasks are put upon me I grow. That is always a wonderful, and sometimes confusing time. I have to protect myself from the negative people in my circle that are permanent, but that does not mean I have to either live with or without them. I have to just deal, but not sacrifice my happiness. I also feel myself evolving, and if you even take notice to something like that in life consider yourself blessed.

First of all, my new little boy is doing just fine. I'm about six months along now. It's been a great and easy pregnancy and I am so thankful for that. He's kicking at the moment letting me know he's doing well. I am not really craving anything or having problems. I go next week to the OB for blood work. I am trying to get my head right for what's to come, but you can never plan fully.

My other kids, most of all Gia, have been almost constantly sick. Gia went to the doctor the other day and her white blood count was 20,000. What the crap? She also still had strep throat. Dylan is better, and if Anna would only stop putting mess in her mouth she would stay straight.

This weekend, I am gonna attempt to move back into my apartment. I have everything just about fixed up. I need a calm, sterile environment. I am going to try to get some schooling ready in July and get my online services up and running. Gonna take some time and work, and I got to be patient.

The one thing I am not going to put up is people coming in my space and either trying to take over or bullying me. This time is not about relationship or parenting. It's what I worked for and what they continue to try to destroy. They in fact need to be destroyed, but that's not my purpose. I just have to handle things as they go. I got to work on my goals, income, but most importantly being the best Mother I can be. Period.

A Much Needed Day Away

Nothing like a day away from men, the kids, the world. Escape to my fave place in Mississippi. The beautiful Gulf Coast.

View from Snapper's in Biloxi

 I could just stay here all day, well heck the rest of my life. 

I'm Having A ........?

Excited for Monday!

Monday I will hopefully find out the sex of the baby. Then on to baby names and shopping. I have nothing left from the other kids and gonna just start over. I have never been able to sleep without the babies...lol so I'm gonna give a crib a try. Guess I stay up all night listening to a monitor, or heck just sleep in the room with the baby. It's weird hearing all the comments I've been getting. How all the girls my age are becoming grandmothers. Um, the ones that had kids while in high school maybe, but I'm really not that old. I know older Mom's. It will be fine. It always is. What do I think the baby will be? Well, if I judge from the others: Dylan was a breeze, Gia ok, Anna hell. This one has been completely drama free. Just a little whoozie now and again. So boy? We'll now sure enough. So, now for the last baby (BETTER BE) on to what I finally decided to be...lol You know when I grow up. I found an online college that offered exactly what I wanted. Can I make money at it? I've heard that question. Does anyone know really if they will land that perfect job after school. No, and it rarely happens. This career is really one that comes from the heart. I certainly plan to go back to work after this child is born, and work on my career. Plenty of people do that I am sure. I just have to do what makes me happy, but I do have to provide for four kids. You can never rely on child support. It's random, and really only up to the father if he will pay. I've certainly learned that. I haven't got a dime since the middle of December. So it's getting tight. I'm starting to sell stuff...:-( but you do what you have to do to make it. Hopefully, you get to point where you enjoy just what you need to make it. WINTER SICKLY BLUES: Being a larger Mommy, and I am sure this happens to the skinny Mommies too...the cold is getting me down. I would take anything over the cough pee situation. I laugh I pee, I cough I pee, I sneeze oh it's change clothes time. If this happens to you in public you are basically screwed til you can get back home. I try to just stay home until this crap is over, which it seems like it's only rotating to each family member back to me. It's worst right now, but heck I can't plan a whole day. It's honestly just sucks and very embarrassing. Well, on a happier note I am so ready to get in the garden. Gonna really try my best to get some herbal stuff grown and make things out of it. Love it so much. MORE LATER.

Restless Still

Really doesn't make sense to be this restless still at my age. Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I think they are mostly put on us from other people. If I tried to make everyone I know happy with what I should be doing with my life I'll never have time to be happy. I think I am not in that place.

It always seems that I get a few steps to normal and then knock back about a mile. It's not always my doing. Negative forces in my life that need be rid off. I need space and peace. This is going to take some doing and string cutting. I have to find that place. A place to bloom and thrive. Not only for myself, but my children. Away from all that is familiar and negative.

A place where I can call home, but accessible to the new adventures I crave. Near enough for the positive people to travel, but far enough protected from those that suck the life force out of me. I need steady fulfilling employment. Good schools, wonderful nature outputs. Where does this place exist? Right now only in my mind and heart. I just want MY OWN HOME. Where I am the queen and there doesn't have to be a king. I suck at love. I give up. Really no point.

Time has come to love myself and my kids. Put them first. See them happy and see them thrive. But, is it fault to jerk them up from everything they've even know which is both good and bad? Maybe I'm holding them back from seeing more things? I have to get it all straight in my mind. Quick.

Those WTF Moments

For some reason I was "blessed" with pretty crappy staph infection under my chin. Well I can think of worst places to get them, in fact I have. This time around it just seemed worst. Everything does when you're pregnant. It's like all your spidey senses go haywire.

I put up with it as long as I could and then decided is was time to say, "Off with it's head!". Really silly move. Might I add my angel of a friend Amy gave me some cream for it and it worked great. I actually slept well last night. First time in a week. This morning, though, it had become a alien beast with a life of it's own.

I do not recommend doing the following. Apparently I'm crazy or have a serious tolerance for pain. Stupid brought on pain. I got a knife, sterilized everything, got bandages and creams and went to digging the alien out. The last moments were the worse. It was like my chin was giving birth. I was shocked to see a inch deep hole in my chin. This #$%^&& had made a home in there. It was the size of a marble and did not want to go. It did though, with force. Oh lord the mess that came out of that hole, but you know what the swelling and redness is going down, cream applied. Pain reliever taken and I'm already feeling some what better.

I will have to pray it doesn't spread. I will admit it was rather stupid, but you get to a point where the crap doesn't matter. You want it to stop! Kinda like my long hair landed on the floor one morning. Impulse Insanity.

Can not wait to see what comes next!

Snow Day 2013